i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
