We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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