WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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