Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
