His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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