I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
