I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
