Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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