so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
