How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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