all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
