i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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