you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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