Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
