the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
