I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
