you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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