I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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