I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
