I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
