so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
