We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
