Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
