Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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