Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
