He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
