I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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