I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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