You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
