my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
