$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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