how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
