my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
