your room smells of hookers.
And success
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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