You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
