Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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