i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
