maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
