u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
