my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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