A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
