I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
