I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
