i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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