her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
