i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
They took my balls.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
