just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize