Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
