I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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