It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
