I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
