I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she told me i tasted like america
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
