Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
