hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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