i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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