Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
