I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
