Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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